By: Jan

Jan — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:53:50 +0000

Stella: The first thing I read on my computer this morning was your note above. I have been through something similiar and found that my lifelong friends did not know how to react to the situation so they found more comfort in ignoring it and moving on with their lives. I truly found out who my real friends are. If I could offer any advice, it would be to accept the friendship from your friends who are there for you and use their shoulder to cry on or lean on for support. They want to be there for you, therefore you don’t need to feel alone. Seek them out through phone and internet, these true friends will be there for you.
I am sending you a hug, all the way from Canada,
Jan

By: Stella

Stella — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 15:54:38 +0000

Dear Brook,
On the 8th of January my MOM died of a massive heart attack.She lived in Canada along with my father and minutes away from my eldest sister, my brother and their respective families.I live in Greece with my husband and four children. On that dreadful morning, I received a call from my sister Maria in tears, so overwhelmed with grief and shock she could barely relay the dreadful news of our mother’s passing.
My husband and I went to Canada for the funeral as did my sister and her husband from Cyprus.
We all found great comfort being together as a family especially during this difficult time.Our friends and family in Canada were
very supportive. We couldn’t have asked or hoped for more. They were great!
In fact, we were quite surprised under very harsh weather conditions,how many people from our community and elsewhere came to pay their respects and condolences at the funeral home and also attended the funeral the next day…not to mention their presence the days prior to and after the funeral.
In contrast, returning ‘home’ to Greece has been rather lonely and disappointing. My ‘friends’ here, whom not only knew my mom from her annual visits over the 16 years I’ve lived here, but were also guests of hers at her home on weekends 2 hours away from here during the summer months on several occasions, expressed their condolences when they accidentally bumped into me on errands in the village. I’ve been quite disturbed by their ‘non-being there’ in any shape or form. I feel so low right now, I could really use a friend however the only ones I’ve got are all overseas. We keep in touch by phone, emails etc.Never in my wildest dreams would I have pictured me at such a low moment in my life seeking refuge from my pain from someone via a computer or a phone. I’m an affectionate and caring human being always willing to extend a hand…a heart…an ear to someone in need…so why, when I NEED someone the most do I find myself so alone????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thinking that maybe my expectations were too high….I decided to check out your advice about ‘being there’ for those in grief. Of course..your article reinforced my expectations from my friends…it’s just unfortunate that my ‘friends’ don’t meet them…or don’t care enough to.
I agree with all the ways you suggested were at least a kind and decent means of support for someone grieving.
If you have anymore advice to offer…I’m all ears.

Comments on: Helping Others Cope with Grief

By: Jan

By: Stella