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“Life is great, if you’re tough enough to live it.” ~Aunt Connie Gill

Good morning! I love this quote that a reader sent in. Perhaps that
is what some of us are missing – a “toughness” that enriches our
lives. The Challenge/Make Today Matter program was created to help
us “toughen up” and challenge ourselves in every aspect of our
life. To me,”becoming tough” is parallel to becoming “personally
accountable.” We become tough when we quit diffusing blows to
outward circumstances and events, and instead improve upon
ourselves.

Maybe it isn’t “tough” so much as “brave.” To stand up for
ourselves and what we believe in and what we deserve requires
courage and bravery. It is much easier to walk away from a dream
than it is to pursue it. Pursuing a dream will involve falling
down, bruises, tears and getting back up one hundred times plus.
But I’ll tell you something… I’ve walked both paths and the
scenery is vastly different. I would take the scenery of a dream,
complete with the bumps and bruises over the “easy” path any day of
the week.

Your Turn:
What do you love enough to be brave and courageous for? What do you
believe in so strongly, you are willing to risk a bump and a bruise
and become “tougher” so that you may diligently pursue the dream?

Your Affirmation:
I am brave and courageous in the pursuit of my dreams.

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And as always, don’t forget to start your day with a heartfelt: “Something great is going to happen today… I can’t wait to see what it is!”

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And as always, don’t forget to start your day with a heartfelt: “Something great is going to happen today… I can’t wait to see what it is!”

Forgiveness is not a topic we talk about regularly, like gratitude and thankfulness, but it is very important. We cannot be our best when we are holding onto grudges. An unforgiving mind or heart is like a heavy anchor and whether we feel it or not, it will pull us down.

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Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light. ~Helen Keller

Sometimes our world shifts dramatically without warning, as it did 8 years ago today with the events of 9/11. I wanted to take a moment today to reflect on how we help others when they are coping with grief. Perhaps you know someone who has lost someone who is grieving–if not, you may want to print this out and file it. Grief is an unavoidable part of our life journey, and being able to help and guide one another is one of the best gives we can give.

Don’t try to find the magic words or formula to eliminate the pain. Nothing can erase or minimize the painful tragedy your friend or loved one is facing. Your primary role at this time is simply to “be there.” Don’t worry about what to say or do, just be a presence that the person can lean on when needed.

Don’t try to minimize or make the person feel better. When we care about someone, we hate to see them in pain. Often we’ll say things like, “I know how you feel,” or “perhaps, it was for the best,” in order to minimize their hurt. While this can work in some instances, it never works with grief.

Help with responsibilities. Even though a life has stopped, life doesn’t. One of the best ways to help is to run errands, prepare food, take care of the kids, do laundry and help with the simplest of maintenance.

Don’t expect the person to reach out to you. Many people say, “Call me if there is anything I can do.” At this stage, the person who is grieving will be overwhelmed at the simple thought of picking up a phone. If you are close to this person, simply stop over and begin to help. People need this but don’t think to ask.

Talk through decisions. While working through the grief process many bereaved people report difficulty with decision making. Be a sounding board for your friend or loved one and help them think through decisions.

Don’t be afraid to say the name of the deceased. Those who have lost someone usually speak of them often, and believe it or not, need to hear the deceased’s name and stories. In fact, many grievers welcome this.

Remember that time does not heal all wounds. Your friend or loved one will change because of what has happened. Everyone grieves differently. Some will be “fine” and then experience deep grief a year later, others grieve immediately. There are no timetables, no rules–be patient.

Remind the bereaved to take care of themselves. Eating, resting and self-care are all difficult tasks when besieged by the taxing emotions of grief. You can help by keeping the house stocked with healthy foods that are already prepared or easy-to-prepare. Help with the laundry. Take over some errands so the bereaved can rest. However, do not push the bereaved to do things they may not be ready for. Many grievers say, “I wish they would just follow my lead.” While it may be upsetting to see the bereaved withdrawing from people and activities–it is normal. They will rejoin as they are ready.

Avoid judging. Don’t tell people how to react or handle their emotions. Simply let them know that you will help in any way possible.

Share a Meal. Invite the bereaved over regularly to share a meal or take a meal to their home since mealtimes can be especially lonely. Consider inviting the bereaved out on important dates like the one-month anniversary of the death, the deceased’s birthday, etc.

Make a list of everything that needs to be done with the bereaved. This could include everything from bill paying to plant watering. Prioritize these by importance. Help the bereaved complete as many tasks as possible. If there are many responsibilities, find one or more additional friends to support you.

Make a personal commitment to help the one grieving get through this. After a death, many friendships change or disintegrate. People don’t know how to relate to the one who is grieving, or they get tired of being around someone who is sad. Vow to see your friend or loved one through this, to be an anchor in their darkest hour.

Adapted from I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: surviving, coping and healing after the sudden death of a loved one by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D. published by Sourcebooks – to learn more about this book, visit http://maketodaymatter.net/shop/bookstore/iwasntreadytosaygoodbye.htm

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Nobody wants to lose someone they care about, especially if it’s a shockingly sudden loss. But odds are you will, or someone around you will. How will you cope? How will you help your friend, neighbor or colleague live with the loss? Theresa asked Brook Noel for advice. Brooke is co-author of I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One.
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