put ourselves in the “middle” or everything as a source or cause?
For example, when someone doesn’t return a phone call, our thoughts
often turn to, “Did I upset her?” or “Maybe she doesn’t want to
talk to me.” Or if a co-worker seems to be having an off-day we may
wonder, “Did I contribute?”
in a healthy way. In these situations it is best to turn from our
own ego and instead look at the situation or the person directly.
Perhaps a call wasn’t returned because a child became sick, or the
person went into a ditch in a snowstorm, or fell asleep while
watching TV. Perhaps, it has nothing to do with us. Perhaps a
co-worker learned of an ill-relative, or had a fight with a spouse.
Usually it has nothing to do with us.
As you go throughout your day, watch for the tendency to put
yourself as a “cause” or “reason.” When you find yourself doing so,
remove the focus from yourself and instead ask thoughtful and
inquisitive questions about the situation of concern. Remember that
when we make the focus about “us” we can’t focus on another person
in a healthy way.
I remain focused on the entire situation versus focused on myself.